the psychology of pedalboards

my wife loves accessories. if you look at any of her promo shots, you're sure to find her wearing lots of bangles and knick knacks and thingamabobs to carefully accent her outfit. she's good at that stuff. girls in general like accessories. sunglasses. earrings, jewelry, etc... well, guitar players like accessories too. but in order to hide how girly we really are, we dress up our accessories with an elaborate mess in an effort to make them as manly as possible. our accessories are pedals. guitar effects pedals. for those of you who still don't know what i'm talking about, they are little electric boxes that we plug our guitars through on the way to the amp to give us different sounds. and as you'll find out below, they also make us feel awesome.

i've often said that the size of a guitar player's ego is in direct proportion to the size of his pedalboard. to ilustrate this point, i've scoured the internets for a few examples of pedalboards and the types of ego boost they represent.

1. More Is More

come on, admit it. we've all been there. this pedalboard represents the most common of complexes where the player flat-out does whatever he can to scrounge any and every pedal he can buy, steal, and borrow to cobble together the largest, most douchiest frankenstein you can imagine. you know, because bigger is better, right? kinda reminds me of why certain guys buy big flashy cars...

2. Less Is More

Less Is More is really just the pupa stage of More Is More. as you see here, anything more than one pedal dictates that you need a pedalboard. and as the picture shows, a flight case is probably necessary too. you see, the floor just won't do. i mean, what the heck?? if you don't have a flashy pedal board case so the audience can clearly see you tapping little do-hickeys then why the heck did you join the praise band in the first place??? oh ya, to impress the youth group girls. haha...when i was 14 i thought i was so cool cause i could play nirvana songs...but i digress... pedalboard

3. The No Pedalboard

this is the setup for someone who desperately needs a pedalboard but refuses to buy one because he/she secretly likes taking their sweet time setting up every cable and every pedal at exact right angles from each other. Howie Mandel obsesses about washing his hands. other guys do this.

4. The Theoretical Pedalboard

this is the pedalboard for the guy who doesn't have and will never have the exact setup they want. for them, planning, sketching and deciding on theoretical purchases give them such a cocaine rush that even those who do happen to come into some money and get the gear they want continue to buy and sell because it's never quite right. cause you see, if they sound bad, it wasn't their fault. they just didn't have the right gear setup. which reminds me of what my old boss used to say - A shoddy carpenter blames his tools.

5. The Geek Pedalboard

seriously? really? a laptop? you might as well wear a tshirt that says "trying too hard."

6. The Messy Pedalboard

we all know at least one guy who is a good player, has a decent setup, yet refuses to put an afternoon of work into making himself a decent pedalboard. he shows up, opens the case and 8 pedals fall out behind a tangled mass of cables. he would probably sound pretty good if he weren't spending half the set adjusting pedals and fixing cable shorts.

7. The One Brand Pedalboard

there's something to be said for brand loyalty, but anybody who truly believes that one single company has the absolute best pedals (whether distortion, delays, trems, etc...) is just plain stupid. there are hundreds of big name and boutique manufacturers making pretty much any sounding pedal you can think of. some are better than others, some worse. usually this mindset is the result of living in a town where there's one music store that sells only one brand of pedal and also happens to have a very savvy salesman. if this sounds familiar, maybe take a road trip to the nearest guitar center or something. also, file this under Multi-Effects Processors.

8. The Ergonomic Pedalboard

i can see how someone would think this is convenient....that is, if you're playing guitar while sitting on a swivel seat.

9. The AWESOME PEDALBOARD

this pedalboard is the AWESOME PEDALBOARD because it happens to be the setup i'm drooling over right now. a simplified switching system tied to racks of pedals and multiple amps with the ability to use whatever gear you want and recall any setting with a single button push. I NEED THIS.....actually, i've been confusing the words "want" and "need" lately. also, the AWESOME PEDALBOARD is a title that can be switched to whatever setup i want at any given time.

10. The Modded Pedalboard

first step, get a More Is More pedalboard - i.e. lots and lots of pedals. then complain about how hard it is to control them all. then get a custom true bypass strip made which conveniently "simplifies" the routing, and also happens to be one more big thing to put on your pedalboard with lots of buttons. more buttons means more choices. more choices means more power. maybe we could call it a form of a classic napolean complex.

you see, here's the thing. any device that you send your guitar signal through degrades your signal by a tiny bit. the most pristine signal goes straight from the guitar to the amp with the shortest cable possible. i can't find what the exact statistic is, but you lose something like 3dB for every 10 feet of wiring and cable. every pedal that you put in your rig harms your signal and adds noise, but we make that sacrifice in order to have a cool effect - a good distortion or delay or something.

ok, now last but not least, i'll give you all a picture of my current pedalboard setup for when i play with stephanie smith (@stephanaynay) and feel free to comment on my narcissistic tendencies. maybe say something like "this pedalboard is made by a minimalist who takes prides in his minimalism - and probably writes blogs about it." peanut, i'm looking your way on this one. don't let me down.