late night shopping

my wonderful wife left for some shows a couple days ago. and of course, whenever she leaves, i work like crazy. when i work like crazy, i also neglect the basics like grocery shopping. so when i finish doing some work at some late hour and i'm starving and there's no food in the kitchen, i kind of enjoy going to the grocery store for late night snacking. and that is the story of how i am getting fat. most people would agree that my late night snack raids are breaking two rules - 1. don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry and 2. don't eat after 9pm. well, you're absolutely right. but to give some semblance that i'm trying to do the right thing, here's a list of late night snack food items i love but are like stepping on a minefield except when you step on a landmine, you blow up, but when you eat these, it's only your stomach that blows up.....well, sometimes the next morning...well, you get the idea...


1. Pickles

ya, that's right pickles. kosher dill spears. only the ones that are white. urban legends say that the green ones come from rotten cucumbers. if the internet says it, then it must be true. and plus, it's a vegetable, right?

2. EZ Cheese - a.k.a. cheese in a can

i honestly haven't had this in years, but i used to LOOOOOOOVE IT SO MUCH. i would eat EZ Cheese everyday if it weren't for the promise of a heart attack at age 34 and the shameful looks from friends and family.

3. Fruit Rollup and Sparkling Grape Juice

but nick, that's two things! you're dang right that's two things, but they go together. a buddy of mine that i grew up with introduced me to this one-two sucker punch of a late night snack. i don't know what sort of chemical reaction happens when these two concoctions come together but it's magic in my mouth. and i'm willing to bet ten american dollars that last sentence made @nathantbass giggle.

4. Popsicles

oh man, these are like kryptonite for me. if the fate of the world rested on me not eating anything for one hour and you handed me a fruit juice popsicle or a bomb pop, the world would end in less that 2 minutes. and yes, they're bad for you. i mean, i rationalize by eating fruit juice popsicles because, hey, it's fruit, right? ya...the fruit to sugar ratio is like creamer to coffee. that analogy only works if you like your coffee strong and black...just like your.... i'm not going to finish that joke because it would be inappropriate. whoever said i don't have an inner censor, TAKE THAT!

5. Steak

yes, i have done this before. sometimes it's 1am and i feel like a steak. so sue me. well, it's not sue i'm worried about. it's the heart attack. but then again someone told me once how not eating meat adds a couple years to your life or something. well, i'd rather enjoy juicy steaks and die a little early. sounds like a good trade to me.

i'm gonna stop at 5 because this is just getting embarrassing. what's funny is that most of the food that i love to get at the grocery tend to be lunch snacks and i think i've figured out why. my mother, like any good mother, didn't load me up with junk food in my sack lunches as a kid. but of course, every now and then she'd throw in some snack like a fruit rollup and i savored every bit of that processed piece of dehydrated faux fruit. i wished i could have more. well, i'm grown up now and have a job so i do what i want and eat what i want. don't even get me started on capri suns. if popsicles are my kryptonite, then capri suns are like my crack cocaine. i would do horrible, horrible things for just one more capri sun. one time i had a piece of gear up for auction on ebay and some guy bid 4 capri suns and i stopped the auction right there and sold it to him. well, not really. i just made that up. but you get the picture.

but seriously, i'm trying to lose weight. i'm cutting out dairy and most breads and all soda. take that, fat american stereotype! that's all i have for you all, unless you speak german. if you do, read on...

Ich lerne Deutsch sprechen. Ich würde gerne mit jedem sprechen, der Deutsch spricht, um mein Deutsch verbessern. Ich habe viele Leute auf meinen Reisen traf nach Deutschland. wenn einer von diesen Menschen lesen, lassen Sie mich einen Kommentar und ich würde gerne reden!