the REAL moral of the story

trish and i just got back from seeing the new robin hood movie. it was pretty good. i would say that it was amazing except for the fact that there is no accompanying bryan adams power ballad associated with it. remember the 80's and 90's when every good movie had a power ballad? if you don't, consider yourself lucky.

anyway, i walked into the theater half expecting some modern day retelling that focused on how evil rich people are with some sort of moral underpinning that rationalizes stealing from the rich to give to the poor via a modern day example of taxation of the upper class to pay for social programs. i was incredibly surprised to find just the opposite. ok, i won't spoil the movie for you, but the underlying message was about how when a corrupt government unfairly taxes their citizens, denies inalienable rights and squanders their wealth, then it is the right and duty for the citizens to rise up in defense of those rights.

i loved the disney version as a kid. but, criminettly nutsy, it doesn't quite pack the same message. in hindsight, it kinda painted the picture that people who are rich sit in their ivory towers all day with their snake-like friends counting their ill-gotten wealth. so in honor of that, i've compiled a list of disney movies and the messed up morals they promote.

The Little Mermaid

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this gem teaches young girls that they can only be princesses if they have legs. yes, a nice set of legs are the answer to all your problems. it also says they must win over their prince while keeping their mouth shut. oh, and that they should collect shiny things and hoard them all in a place where they can marvel at what to do with them. and that explains the fascination with walk-in closets.

Aladdin

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this movie tells young boys that the only way to have a chance with a pretty girl is to make lots and lots of money, or at least find ways to appear like you have lots and lots of money. it then goes on to tell young girls that if a guy lies to her and she finds out, she should take him back no matter how much he's broken her trust. it's a great way to get back at your dad. because, after all, he's just a lovable street rat trying to take you on some sort of "magic carpet ride" (or whatever the kids are calling it these days).

and lastly.....

Beauty and the Beast

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ok, young ladies, listen up. this movie teaches us that all men are horrible beasts that need to be tamed and taught manners. when you're old enough to date, make sure you find a guy who has tons of issues and is the furthest thing from a real man so you can make him your little project. and if for some reason you get involved with a nice, fairly normal guy, you'll quickly find he isn't half as interesting as a guy who treats you bad.

now that i think about it, disney is all about reinforcing deep-seated daddy issues. thanks walt. you've really done our generation a solid.