All I Want For Christmas

i love christmas. many of you may even know that my birthday is on christmas. so this time of year is like a cornucopia of presents for me. most people get presents throughout the year, but i pile it all into one lump sum like a white trash lottery winner. but here's one thing that is kinda unfortunate (and i'm speaking in a 1st world problems sort of way). when you're a kid, the stuff you want doesn't cost much. now that i'm older, all the toys i want cost hundreds and thousands of dollars. expensive guitars and amps, pricey guns and studio gear aren't exactly stocking stuffers. but a couple years ago i had a wonderful experience. as a joke, my parents bought me and my two brothers-in-law one of those toy RC helicopters. i played with that thing CONSTANTLY. that year i had a revelation that from now on, i want TOYS for christmas. and i really mean toys.

do yourself a favor. get up early and turn your tv on nickelodeon or some other channel with cartoons. now wait for the commercials. and pick your jaw up off the floor and try to comprehend how awesome toys are nowadays. i mean seriously, when i was a kid we had GI Joes and legos. i got so bored with toys that i pulled out pots and pans and made my own drum set. the stuff they have now is ridiculously awesome. here's a few

1. RC Helicopters/Planes/Cars/Boats, etc.

radio controlled cars have been around since i was a kid, but now we have RC helicopters and planes. and yes, smart aleck, that stuff did exist years ago, but they were high priced hobby-grade models that were a serious endeavor. i'm talking about the $30 impulse buy that provides hours of fun to a newbie and will break a few hours later. the company Air Hogs makes tons of different flying RC stuff. i have the most fun hovering the helicopter a few feet in the air and watching my dogs go crazy trying to jump at it and catch it.

2. ANYTHING FROM NERF

when i was a kid, nerf made footballs and that's about it. nerf meant taking regular sports balls and make them soft and squishy. now Nerf has become training ground for kids who grow up building their own assault rifles. the guns look like something out of a space age war movie. they have semi-auto and fully auto rifles that shoot a barrage of soft projectiles to give you all the real fun of murdering people without the messy cleanup. the next tour i'm on, i want to have everybody get nerf guns and have a giant nerf fight one day.

3. Xploderz Water Guns

when i was a kid a squirt gun was exactly that. a little piece of plastic shaped like a gun that squirt out little whisps of water. now kids have super-soakers that can drench a kid from a half mile away and now this - the Xploderz water gun. this water shoots projectile beads of water kinda like a paint gun. i mean, how cool is this? i want to go get this now.

4. Lego

do i really have to explain the awesomeness of Legos??

5. Video Games

when i was a kid we had video games, but this is what i had to look at -

i mean, don't get me wrong. i love me some mario bros. but how can those 8 bit graphics compare to the realism of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3?? i mean, seriously, this stuff looks like it's REAL

when we all get older, we start asking for lame gifts. clothes and socks and tools and scented candles. i mean, seriously?? if you are to the point where you don't really want anything or really care about christmas, ask for toys!! you save a lot of money and it's seriously way more fun.

i'm going to be a daddy in april. and one of the coolest aspects is that to a certain degree i get to be a kid again. for instance, if i were to go play on the playground and jump around on the inflatables people would look at me funny and maybe call me crazy or think there's something wrong with. HOWEVER, if i do all those same things with my kid, then all of the sudden i'm a good father. go figure.

the inevitable

the other night i watched the republican debate on foreign policy. i know what you're thinking - this is gonna be one of his political blogs. well, yes. deal with it. and honestly i won't get too far into it. i recently posted something about Iran on my facebook and it erupted into a huge ordeal as facebook posts tend to do. anyway, the whole thing got me thinking about a theory i have. full disclosure - i didn't come up with this one. i got it from a former boss years ago, however i have modified it a bit. i gave it a new paint job, spoiler and installed a new stereo.

my political views. narcissist much?

my theory isn't necessary a republican or democrat belief. however it's a philosophical foundation that can make or break certain aspects of foreign policy from both parties. ok here it goes:

A nation's leadership and government is, for the most part, a reflection of what the people want and deserve based on their culture as a whole.

another way to say it is that in the same way that the unseen market forces of supply and demand determine the price of goods, so do the values of a given culture or nation determine the type of government and leaders they have.

this may seem counter-intuitive. for instance, probably half the people reading this voted for obama and the other half didn't - statistically speaking. but i'm not talking about minor differences between a republican or democrat. we as americans put a high value on life, personal liberties and self reliance, therefore we have a government system that has more protections of those values than any other country. our presidents may disagree on a few things, but they're all relatively the same compared to leaders of other countries. and what's funny is how the problems of the nation are so similar to the problems of individual citizens. americans are up to their ears in credit card debt while at the same time the nation is trillions of dollars in debt. our nation worries about health care while we as individuals are the fattest we've ever been (myself included).

europeans have similar values, and thus, similar style governments and leaders - usually elected, well spoken leaders wearing suits (as opposed to military garb) making decisions about trade rules and arcane social issues. however in societies when human life and personal liberties are valued less, you typically find more oppressive regimes with military dictators whose strength, while derived from their ruthlessness, is also what holds the country together. look at sadaam hussein. if you study anything about him, it becomes clear that he was very cut-throat and bludgeoned his way into power. however, iraq has for a long time been divided between different sects of islam so it's no wonder a military baathist dictator was the only thing that could keep order. and from a culture that sanctions "honor killings" as a normal way of life, it's no surprise they tolerated hussein using mustard gas on his own citizens.

if a leader of government grows too far out of step with what a culture wants, they rise up. it's as natural as water seeking the lowest place. some people would have us believe that whole countries are being held hostage by a certain political leader but this is false. a leader derives his power from the people he leads. and while he may be able to stretch how far they're willing to let him go for a time, eventually they will rise up for change when needed.

some of the worst dictatorships are those in tribal africa. how much of a coincidence is it that they are in countries with different tribes constantly at war with each other amoung people who regularly commit atrocities to their neighbors. when the local pillars of a society are telling the people that the only way to get rid of AIDS is to rape an infant, is it really a surprise that a leader like Mugabe exists?

there is a lot of beauty in different cultures, but not all cultures are equal. some value human life more than others. some are decidedly more evil, and their government and leadership are just an extension of those values.

so that's my theory. the real test is in the application of that theory. for instance, take the concept of spreading democracy to other nations. over the centuries, euro and american culture evolved into democracies because it was what their values demanded. it happened naturally. and while certain monarchies worked hard to hold it back, in the end there was nothing they could do to hold the tide of democracy back. if democracy is what a country wants, then it WILL have it. it might take a few years, but it WILL happen. the whole notion of american troops going into a country that has, by all means, chosen a different system, and we think we can change their culture as well as government to match our own is a bit ridiculous. why are military generals afraid to pull out of iraq and afghanistan? because they know the people are just going to go back to the way it was before.

for years our CIA has aided certain political figures in the middle east in their rise to power. these same leaders have essentially been puppets of the american government. and although it has worked out for us for a few decades, eventually the people and the culture get what they want. look at what's been happening with the whole arab spring thing?? our puppet in egypt has been replaced by a leader that represents the people and their beliefs. the same can be said for syria. our CIA helped prop up a puppet leader in Iran in the 60s, but eventually the people rose up and now they have a state run by sharia law. and i believe in the next decade or so we will see a transition to a more westernized way. and how? consumerism. young muslims love western culture - video games, music, movies. i mean, who wouldn't? but the difference here is that the shift (when it does eventually happen) will happen because that shift was in the hearts and minds of the people, not just because a new leader was installed.

i'm not saying this to side with either political party. and i'm not trashing certain cultures. i'm trying to remove any passion or emotion from the argument and just make it a rational fact. the point is, once you recognize this basic philosophy, it can dramatically affect the way certain foreign policy decisions are made.

the little waterpark that grew

Success - we all want it in some way. when i was a kid i knew i wanted to be a musician....well, either that or a baseball player. and although i started in the varsity squad most of my high school years, i was not blessed with the ability to hit a ball 400 feet over a fence. the desire for success comes with an equal desire for success to come QUICKLY. when i was 21 i was working at a big recording studio in chicago (www.chicagorecording.com). and when i say working, i mean making coffee, wrapping cables and taking my boss' dog outside (and yes, picking up the dogs' success in a plastic bag). i remember listening to a Spitalfield record that i loved and finding out that Sean O'Keefe, the producer was about my age and had already produced a great record. i would get so frustrated and wonder why i wasn't producing great records yet. i wanted success NOW. but over the years i've learned and am still learning that the road to success is frequently the slow and steady approach.

oh, you want an example? well, ok.

i grew up in springfield, IL. as a kid, we would go to a little waterpark called Knights Action Park. (www.KnightsActionPark.com). this "waterpark" was built on flat cornfield land. somehow they built a single hill about 4 or 5 stories high and had a grand total of 3 waterslides. except one of the waterslides is only for kids under 50 lbs. (that's 22.7 kilos for the rest of the world). they had mini golf and batting cages and go karts, but really, we all made fun of the place. i remember going to other waterparks on vacation and thinking about how much they dwarfed our little waterpark. when people from springfield would talk about Knights Action Park, it was almost as if we were embarrassed.

pictured above: everything they had when i was a kid

but here's the thing - the owners of the park kept at it, slow and steady. i've heard that their goal was to add one new thing a year. they added bumper boats, a lazy river, then a giant wave pool. i would come back to springfield every summer and they would have something new. and you know what?? one day we all woke up and realized that Knights Action Park was actually a pretty sweet place. they now have tons of waterslides and are still adding things. a few years back they added on a couple of drive-in movie screens. what waterpark has that???

pictured above: awesome attraction they DIDN'T have when i was a kid

my point is, there was nothing special about Knights. i mean, who ever heard of a waterpark built on corn fields? but they kept their heads down and did their best and eventually they had turned into a monumental success. i have no idea how much money that place makes, but i can make an educated guess that whoever owns the park is doing just fine.

the same applies to pretty much any situation. i remember talking to an older engineer back at that chicago studio asking how he got things to sound so good. he told me "i wish there was some trick i could tell you, but there isn't. you just get better over time." and you know what? he was right. the path to success is not about getting a big break. if you're a musician, it's not about getting discovered and getting a huge record deal. if some record company had found me as a 16 year old and given me a million dollar record deal, i would have failed MISERABLY and then my music career would have been over. patience and hard work are the key. when the time is right, opportunity will present itself and you will be ready. so if you're like i was, don't waste all your frustration just because you're not yet where you want to be. i mean, it's good to be motivated, but don't kill yourself because you haven't yet taken over the world. just keep your head down and keep working. one day you will look up for a second and realize that everyone is looking at you

If Dave Ramsey Was A Musician

Musicians are supposed to be young, cool, and fly by the seat of their pants. i've been playing music in some sort of professional capacity for about 7 years now. i am none of these things. and i admit, back when i was bachelor i (attempted to) dress cool, i was younger and i would do anything at the drop of a hat. now i am older, married, and if you haven't heard yet, i'm going to be a daddy in about 6 months.

growing up will change you. especially in the money area. when i was a bachelor i had roommates and found living situations where my rent was as cheap as humanly possible. ("humanly" possible - as if being an animal would qualify for cheaper rent). i ate hamburger helper and mac & cheese like my life depended on it....and realistically, it did.

if money was low for a certain month, no big deal. but now i have a family. i actually have car insurance and health insurance now. and in case any of you have been living under a rock for the last couple years, the economy hasn't been so great. especially in the christian music industry. so the last two years trish and i have been working the Dave Ramsey plan to get out of debt and get our financial house in order.

but lately (and by lately, i mean the last two years) i've been wondering what would happen if bands would run their business according to the Dave Ramsey plan. or better yet, what would Dave do if he was a musician?? well i've gone through and picked out a few of Dave's rules that run counter to what is common practice in music today.

1. PARTNERSHIPS

Dave has a saying that goes something like this: A Partnership is the only ship that will never sail. he ALWAYS advises against partnerships. and for good reason too - mixing business, friends and money is a guaranteed recipe for disaster. but here's the thing - a band is essentially a partnership. does that mean it's financially irresponsible to start a band? not necessarily. in many cases, when a band gets a record deal and makes the jump from amateur to professional, there is frequently one person (usually the singer) who does the majority of the writing. it is common practice for the label to sign just this person to a record deal and the remaining members are paid a per show rate. there are many ways to structure a band to avoid a partnership. many create a corporation with each member owning shares and when decisions are made it's based on a simple majority vote of shareholders.

my point is this - when a band has been together for years, eventually the members, no matter how good of friends they were in the beginning, slowly start to resent each other for whatever reason. but the reason 9 times out of 10 has something to do with pride.

2. DEBT

Dave is probably most known for his stance against credit cards. they're a trap that is too easy to fall into and everything you can do with a credit card can be accomplished with a debit card. most bands have credit cards. and honestly, a lot of them are responsible and pay their bills on time. but i often wonder if by having more cash reserves to book flights and rental cars instead of floating on debt would decrease the likelihood of a band getting in over their head when times get tough.

3. CASH FLOW

a way to avoid debt is to use existing cash flow to cover expenses. for instance, instead of taking out a big student loan, Dave would suggest getting a job, going to a less expensive state school and paying cash for college.

how this could best apply to musicians is in merchandise. here's how many bands handle merch - when you place an order for tshirts or any other merchandise, you usually have to place large orders. i'm talking $10k, $20k or more at a time. bands usually find a way to pay for the order whether through an advance or credit cards or whatever, and then when they sell it at the table, they spend that money without setting aside money for future orders. doesn't it make sense that if you sell a shirt for $15 and it costs $5 to make the shirt, you should set aside that $5 for a future order and consider the remaining $10 profit that can be spent on other things?unfortunately, this is not usually the case.

4. EMERGENCY FUNDS

Dave's plan suggests to first get a $1000 emergency fund, then later to work towards an emergency fund that covers 3 to 6 months of expenses. if you are a brand new band wanting to go on your first tour to the west coast, get some sort of emergency fund together. i promise you things WILL go wrong. you WILL break down from time to time. promoters will stiff you of money. i know from experience that getting stranded an hour outside Salt Lake City in December because your alternator went band can really turn a fun tour into something less than fun.

for established bands, cash reserves should be observed religiously. this business is either feast or famine. we go on tour and make lots of money, and then will go two months without significant income.

5. INVESTING FOR THE FUTURE

for most people Dave says to put aside 15% of your income for retirement. for professional sports athletes, i've heard it said that they need to be saving at least 50% of their income because their careers don't last as long as other jobs.

most bands don't last a long time. for every Newsboys that have lasted 30 years, there are 500 bands that get record deals but don't last longer than 5 years. if you are one of those few artists who are fortunate enough to do music full time, consider investing 15% or more into some sort of mutual fund or annuity for when the band does eventually break up or move on. you may not save up enough to make each member independently wealthy, but what if you built up a nest egg that spins off $10,000 for each member in interest every year for the rest of your life? now that is doable.

basically, i can sum up this whole blog by saying Dave would use common sense and rational decision making in an industry that's based around people pursuing dreams and making decisions based on dreams and not money. and i don't mean to be a buzzkill. i know you want to buy that tour bus. but instead getting ahead of yourself because it appeals to your ego and your dreams, take it one step at a time. buying that bus or lights or hydraulic spinning drum riser before it's financially feasible is the quickest way to get into trouble and take all the fun out of a career that is supposed to be fun. if you're a brand new band, don't immediately buy a van and book a 2,000 mile west coast tour for your first shows. start regionally and build a following. then branch out from there. i know you want to road trip to LA with your buddies and play some music. but what if you van breaks down and you end up putting thousands of dollars on a credit card to fix it - and when you get to that show in LA only 5 people are there and your van gets towed because it was illegally parked?

don't overextend yourself. there's a lot of competition with little reward in the music industry. one of the few benefits is that it's a fun lifestyle. don't ruin it by getting in over your head.

sports

oh man...@adamagee and @briancalcara are definitely not gonna like this post. probably a lot of you too.

the other day i came across a quote from Noam Chomsky, arguably one of the brightest intellectual/philosophers of our time. This quote pretty much embodies everything i've thought about sports for a long time but didn't know how to articulate. here it is:

"Take, say, sports -- that'sanother crucial example of the indoctrination system, in my view. For one thing because it offers people something to pay attention to that's of no importance. That keeps them from worrying about -- keeps them from worrying about things that matter to their lives that they might have some idea of doing something about. And in fact it's striking to see the intelligence that's used by ordinary people in sports. I mean, you listen to radio stations where people call in -- they have the most exotic information and understanding about all kind of arcane issues. And the press undoubtedly does a lot with this.

them and creating a basis for them and advertisers are willing to pay for them and so on.

You know, I remember in high school, already I was pretty old. I suddenly asked myself at one point, why do I care if my high school team wins the football game? I mean, I don't know anybody on the team, you know? I mean, they have nothing to do with me, I mean, why I am cheering for my team? It doesn't mean any -- it doesn't make sense. But the point is, it does make sense: it's a way of building up irrational attitudes of submission to authority, and group cohesion behind leadership elements -- in fact, it's training in irrational jingoism. That's also a feature of competitive sports. I think if you look closely at these things, I think, typically, they do have functions, and that's why energy is devoted to supporting

--

ok, i can identify with about half of this comment. first of all, i am NOT a sports hater and i don't think you're an idiot if you watch sports. i mean, one of the greatest albums of the 80's was titled Sports and if you don't know who recorded it then don't tell me you don't know cause i will definitely think less of you. anyway, if i'm with a good group of guys watching a football game i can totally enjoy myself. i love going to cubs baseball games.

and i'm not the nerd who was completely un-athletic in high school and now has a grudge. i started varsity baseball. i even hit two homeruns over the fence.

the part i can identify with is the building up irrational attitudes about submission to authority and the general pointlessness. sports are a fun pastime but the real problem arises when people treat them as if they hold any real importance. i played baseball from the time i was 5 years old all the way through high school. my parents had a rule that i could not miss church on sunday and our midweek service on thursday. in 7th grade i moved to the other side of town and went to a different private league. my coach had a weird grudge against me that i couldn't figure out until one day when he said he questioned my "commitment" because i went to church.

in high school i was chewed out many times by coaches who seemed to think that my whole life should revolve around how far i can hit a ball. the mantras, the diatribes, and the hoopla was just ridiculous. one time i was on a school basketball team and we lost a game. on the way home in the team van i pulled out a harmonica that i had been recently messing with and me and some friends started making up funny blues songs (i could only play one thing). the whole team was laughing until the coach started screaming that we should be more sober and in a bad mood because of our loss. seriously?? it's a freaking game. i played, had fun and would have liked to win, but you can't always win. no big deal, right? but to some people absolute success and absolute dedication to winning a silly game is their life. and furthermore, if it's not your life, then you are a horrible person.

this is more of a rant. i'm not sure i have much of a point to make. i guess i could say to any kids or teenagers out there that exerting yourself and pushing yourself and having fun playing sports is great, but if you have some douche bag coach in your face looking down on you because your life doesn't revolved around something that involves balls and cheerleaders, don't buy it for a second. just let it roll off your back. have fun playing sports. have fun with your friends. enjoy being outdoors. if you score a goal or hit a homerun or make a basket, then GREAT! i'm so happy for you. and ya know, if sports really is your passion and you work hard in the off-season and are hoping to go pro, then more power to ya. but don't get in your teammate's face because he's more worried about a girl in the stands than he is about the game. he's a teenager - he's hard wired to think about girls all the time. just let it go.

We're overcompensating for something...

getting great guitar tones is achieved by a combination of three factors: 1. Great Players, 2. Great Gear 3. Great parts/riffs/arrangement. well this week i think we've had all three.

this week i've been working with my buddies in @CaptionsFL from Pensacola, FL again. what's especially fun about these guys is they have really good gear which always makes it more fun to record. if an indie band comes to me and all they have is an Ibanez Jem and a Crate combo amp, that's totally fine - we just end up using my gear. that's why it's there, right?? what's cool is when we don't have to use mine and i get to play with new toys. here's a quick rundown on guitar world for the past couple days:

CABS

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here we have three different cabs. to the left is an ORIGINAL Orange 4x12 from the 70's. i don't know what kind of a speakers were in it but it had a smooth tone that breaks up nicely without being too harsh. if you look on the back the cab is actually rated at 15 ohms instead of the standard 4, 8 and 16 ohms because apparently Europe (this cab is English made) was using a different ohm standard back then. i don't know the full story on that. maybe someone can chime in on the comments with the real story.

on the far right is a newer Orange 4x12 with Vintage 30's - the same cab that i own and use on almost everything. if you ask me it's one of the best sounding cabinets out there.

in the middle is a Bad Cat 4x12. what's interesting about this amp is how dark it is without the low end becoming spongy. we also found out if you take the speaker grill off there is a metal bar running right across the middle of each speaker so the most direct method of micing the cab is actually to be off center. if you've ever played a BadCat amp you'll know that they're pretty bright on the top end so it makes sense that their cabs are darker sounding to complement the heads.

GUITARS

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the amount of guitars in studio is in direct proportion to the size of your ego. haha. the two racks of guitars on the left are mine. the 5 guitars on the right are the ones they brought. there's 4 different kinds of Les Pauls which is AWESOME. and of course one Tele which we used on some clean parts. the one we ended up using a LOT was the one with P90s. it took a bit for us to figure out the right way to use it. P90s are a little muddy, but once we got some of that low-mid stuff scooped out it really sounded amazing.

AMPS AND PEDALS

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the first thing you'll notice about this picture is that i'm a horrible photographer. stupid sun ruining my shot. anyway, for amps we've got my Marshall JCM 900, an Orange Rocker 30 which we ended up using a LOT, a Hughes and Kettner TriAmp and a Matchless DC30 which sounds amazing. we had plenty of pedals to go around. the ones we ended up using the most were the OCD and the Full Drive. i'm sure that's no surprise to any of you gear nerds out there. i still think the best rock tone is a guitar with hot pickups using a pedal lightly to hit the front end of a tube amp hard turned up loud. it doesn't get much better than that.

i love my job :)

ONE MAN AGAINST THE PLANET

i'm writing this from an internet cafe in Zurich, Switzerland. i swiped a credit card off of an unsuspecting american tourist. so Mr. Jason Schmidt of Austin, Texas, if you're reading this, i'm sorry, but there was no other way.

if you think it's been too long since my last post, it's because for the last few weeks i've been on the run. the days blur into weeks and before i knew it, everything had changed. but i had no choice. i mean, what else can you do when men dressed in black fatigues holding random assault weapons repel from your roof and smash through your windows. i was surprised, but really, i should have known. i knew i was playing with fire. and it doesn't matter how good you are, when you play with fire you eventually get burned. little did i know that as i started to pull at a thread of truth that i would beging to unwind the whole sweater and COME ACROSS THE GREATEST CONSPIRACY OF OUR TIME.

this is how i see myself right now

what if i were to tell you that our government, using our tax dollars, has created some sort of cyborg super soldier to dominate and control the music and movie entertainment industry? it's not what you think. i'm not talking about susan sarandon and sean penn giving their unasked for political opinions or oprah winfrey helping obama win the election. no - those are small potatoes. a diversion. just smoke and mirrors. and as i hit the emergency self-destruct sequence at my house and scuttled through my escape hatch it all started to make sense. they had done it before in Roswell, NM.

when i say Roswell, everyone immediately thinks AREA 51 and ALIENS, right? well, here we are years later and it turns out that Area 51 was a legitimate secret base that housed experimental aircraft like the SR-71 and the Stealth Bomber before they were made known to the public. what better smokescreen than Aliens?!?! the government would just refuse to confirm or deny alien reports and all of the sudden they had a license to be secretive. hiding in plain sight. well, pundits and political talk show hosts can complain all they want about politicians giving their unsolicited and uneducated opinions - the real threat is a super cyborg who holds two different identities in the entertainment world. this bionic man/cyborg has been programmed by the CIA to make music and movies that are the perfect combination of entertaining, yet completely mind numbing. this "art" is like feeding valium to the masses making them more apathetic to a government ever-encroaching on our freedoms. who cares if their emails and phone calls are monitored?? as long as the cable stays on everything is fine.

the fact that modern facial recognition software hasn't caught on to the cyborg's multiple identities if proof that there are more people involved that any of us realize. i've been tipped off that interpol will zero in on my location within 15 minutes so i've got just enough time to blow the lid off this thing. THE SECRET IDENTITIES OF THE MIND NUMBING ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY CYBORG IS..........

(cue the dramatic music)

NICOLAS CAGE AND CHAD KROEGER!!!!!

THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!!!!

you may remember him from such movies as Ghost Rider, Con Air and 8MM

as lead singer of Nickelback you may have heard his wise words from their smash hit "Figured You Out" where the poet opines "I like your pants around your feet"

what's particularly insulting is that the cyborg's CIA handlers thought by slapping a gotee on the Chad Kroeger persona nobody would know the difference. it's kinda like how on the old star trek whenever they wanted to have an evil Spock they just slapped a gotee on him. are we really that dumb??? well, i guess if you watch Windtalkers and listen to "Feelin' Way Too D*mn Good" most activity in your frontal cortex would cease.

you're not fooling anyone

don't believe me? let's look at the similarities:

1. they look exactly alike. want some more pictures?? look below

2. they both make really crappy art that sells HUGE. ok, every now and then they'll make something good. i mean, the national treasure movies were interesting and on a good day i might admit i thought that "Photograph" song was pretty good.

3. here is an actual Nicolas Cage quote: "I wanted to make an image for myself as an outlaw type. A kind of rock 'n' roll sensibility."

4. i can't find any pictures on the net of Nicolas Cage with a guitar. however this is faulty logic because if i HAD found one i would TOTALLY be using that as proof. but still, we're gonna chalk that up as evidence of a coverup.

so there it is - THE TRUTH. i hope you all can handle it. i hear sirens in the distance so that means i need to get going. tomorrow i'll hit up my secret drop site that holds a cache of fake passports, stolen credits card, an MP5 submachine gun, a Glock 9 mil and $10,000 cash in various currencies. once the word gets out maybe then something can be done about the Nicolas Cage/Chad Kroeger cyborg. but until then i'll just be a man on the run. but somehow i think everything will be cleared up in time for the next Stellar Kart show this Friday in Gaylord, MI!!! see you all there!!!

two weeks on tour

a lot can happen in two weeks. it was about that long ago that we all piled on the bus for another run on the Stellar Kart tour with Seventh Day Slumber and Kiros. it's actually been pretty fun so far. i would love to just bore your brains out with paragraphs and paragraphs of detail but instead i thought i'd make it a little interesting and include some highlight pictures. and these pictures are going to help illustrate the TOP 8 THINGS I LEARNED ON TOUR

1. STELLAR KART FANS ARE CRAZY

and by crazy i mean can do crazy things. this girl came up to us in the signing line and i am not sure how it came up that she can contort her leg like this. it's painful to even look at. but it makes for a funny picture. if any of you have any freakish, i mean crazy abilities, come see us in the signing line and i'll document and post on this blog.

2. PAWN SHOPS ARE AMAZING

check this OUT --

this was in probably the coolest pawn shop i've ever been in. oh, and for those of you who don't know this - i LOVE pawn shops. pawn shops are the guy equivalent to how girls love Target. i love finding deals at pawn shops. but it's usually used music gear, guns and electronics. this shop had not one, but TWO Mrs. Pac Man arcade games. which leads me to the next thing i learned -

3. @ThisEdwinOrtiz NEEDS TO OWN THIS!!

how cool is this bike?? i mean seriously. the handle bars are way up high like a chopper. and notice the extra wide banana seat. it's decked out in all black and chrome. and the best part is the car transmission shifter style gear shift.

4. I DO HAVE THE ABILITY NOT TO MAKE A DIRTY JOKE

that, my friends, is the Thinker - yes, the famous statue of a guy thinking. we saw this at the art museum on kansas city last week. any of you who have seen the will ferrel SNL sketch where he is a nude model probably knows the exact joke pose that i was thinking about at this very moment. (the thinker? or the stinker!!) but i guess i'm growing up cause i stood there like a champ and now have a picture that i can show my grandchildren without embarrassment. next on the list is mental filter to sort out what i say.

5. I HAD THE BEST FISHING DAY EVER

ok, so that's not really something i "learned" on this tour, but how can i catch 12 giant catfish and NOT post the picture??? one day in oklahoma i asked if there was anywhere good to fish....and yes, OF COURSE i bring my fishing gear with me on tour. anyway, a nice guy named Fred told us about a small pond that had big catfish and they wanted them OUT. so we obliged. ya know how we caught these guys?? HOT DOGS. yup. all you need are some fresh weiners to catch some stinky catfish. and what's even better is that a nice older guy cleaned and filet'd them for us and we grilled them at the bus. SOOO GOOD. also pictured are @jeremihough, @briancalcara and @jordanmesser- all who, i must mention, refused to even touch the fish. i mean, they're good guys but i won the manliest man competition that day. i guess no one likes hands that smell like fish.

6. ADAM'S GREAT GRANDPA IS AWESOME

ok so that's not a picture of adam's great grandpa, that's me shooting a gun at his farm. we had a day off in oklahoma and of course we're going to shoot guns. have you guys not learned this about me yet?

7. OKLAHOMA HAS THE MOST UNHEALTHY FOOD EVER

this heavenly entree is from Del Rancho in Moore, Oklahoma. this wasn't some random joint we found - this was recommended by multiple friends and family who don't even know each other. that is a chicken fried steak sandwich and onion rings. i had 3 heart attacks later that night.

8. SHARK IS SOOOOO GOOD TO EAT

that, my friends, is a FREAKING SHARK. in corpus christi, TX we had a couple guys take a bunch of us on the tour fishing off of a pier on south padre island. in addition to many people getting very sunburned, we also caught a lot of fish. this shark was caught by @josephrojas. @adamagee caught a nice pompano and i only got a couple blue runners. our guide caught a similar sized shark and another fisherman ended up giving us a shark that he caught. so OF COURSE we took it back to the bus and grilled them. seriously i want to start my own cooking show where cameras follow us on tour and we have to find local food and we can only use a grill. anyway, i cut up shark steaks, we cooked them in garlic, pepper, salt, butter and olive oil. oh, and i found out that apparently the mercury content in a fish is what makes it taste fishy. and the best way to get rid of the mercury is to soak the fix in milk. ya, seriously, milk. so we soaked in milk for an hour and it was seriously some of the best fish i've ever put in my mouth.

so the moral of this story is - when on tour, go fishing, shoot stuff, go to pawn shops and maybe do something interesting instead of just parking the bus at a mall. seriously, i know of some bands out there who almost refuse to do anything fun or interesting because they're stuck in a rut and the ONLY thing they'll ever do on a day off is park at a mall. i mean, that's cool. it's your life. you can do whatever you want. but we all only have a short time on this earth and if you want to stay in a bubble, that's cool. but i'm gonna at least enjoy it. and i've got the pictures to prove it.

even more..

hey guys, sorry i haven't written lately. i've been crazy busy. but here's a little video we put together to promote tricia's worship record. i've posted little bits and pieces about the recording process and this video has a few clips. hope you like it

gratuitous self promotion

i'll keep this post short and sweet. my wife's first single was recently sent to radio and iTunes. here's the link for iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/you-are-my-shepherd-single/id430720406

i expect each and every one of you to go buy it as well as call your local christian stations to request it. this, however poignant, is not a request.

you will buy tricia's single. you will also buy her full record when it comes out on June 7. these are not the droids you are looking for.

resistance is futile. your argument is invalid. that is all.

australia

so about a week ago we did a one-off fly date....to australia. ya, australia. 30 hours of travel each way for a 50 minute set? sure! sign me up! for those of you with the empathic ability to sense sarcasm in the written word, just relax, i'm kidding. i love australia. seriously. i love the accent, the weather and the fact that they had radio stations that play both christian music and regular music. and i don't mean like here in the US where a christian station will play a Fray song once a day to appeal to a larger audience.

how many of you are scared of flying? ok, well it's a 14 hour flight from LA to Sydney so if you ever find yourself on that flight maybe pull a B.A. Baracus and sedate yourself. i don't expect anybody under 23 to get that reference.

we had a day off in Sydney which was actually a lot of fun. we were about to go walk on the famous bridge at the harbor (i forgot what it was called), but then we found out it costs almost $200 a person to walk up onto a bridge. now i know us christian musicians make loads of money (sarcasm empaths, i'm looking at you), but that seemed a little steep for us. see what i did there? walking up a high bridge?....too steep?....ok i'm reaching now.

here's me taking a picture of @adamagee who's taking a picture of @briancalcara

well, the next morning we had to take a short flight to Melbourne on a ghetto little ariline called Tiger Airways. it was kind of a ghetto airline. think southwest airlines' backwoods trailer trash cousin. anyway, remember this. i'll come back to it.

so here's a picture of the picturesque land where the festival was held:

the whole time i couldn't help but think that this place looks like the sheep hex in The Settlers of Catan. for those of you who don't know what that is, do yourself a favor and buy the boardgame and join the sensation.

i didn't get a shot of the crowd but i did get one of us doing an interview:

shortly after the interview we all got to meet a longtime Stellar Kart fan @innieG who actually took a long flight from Perth to come see the show. she is pretty awesome.

so anyway, about 4 hours after we finished our show we had to get out of bed so start our journey home. well, remember our friends at Tiger Airlines? well, at the airport they decided to screw us over with about $850 in extra baggage fees that we didn't have to pay on the way there. now i wouldn't bore you with a story of something so mundane as an airline screwing over a passenger. what was interesting was that there was a documentary camera crew there who heard our conversation and started filming the whole thing. apparently they're doing a documentary specifically on this airline because they're known for screwing people over as well as canceling 30% of all their flights at any given time. and of course, i didn't want to pass up an opportunity to ham it up a bit for the camera. once i realized there was no way to talk them out of the fees i then directed my energy to thinking of catchy sound bites the film crew could use. however i don't think that one of them will make the cut. at one point i asked them if i should bend over, grab my ankles and make it official. this documentary will apparently be airing on national tv at some point. let's just hope we aren't painted as the ugly americans in the editing.

so anyway, australia was awesome. hopefully next time we can stay a little longer. the morale of this story - if you need to get to australia be ready for the long haul, buy settlers of catan, and if you're getting screwed over, figure out a way to make it fun.

i'm noticing a pattern

would you all like to know what i hate??????

THIS!!!!

for the uninitiated, i will enlighten you.

that, my friends, is Qdoba queso - and i must clarify that i LOVE Qdoba queso more than a fat kid loves, ummm, well, queso. wow i meant that to be a metaphor but it turned out to be depressingly literal and autobiographical. but enough about me getting old and fat. what really melts my cheese is that when i go to Qdoba and get their queso, they NEVER fill it up. seriously, even if i ask them to fill it up, they REFUSE. i mean, what am i paying for? seriously, it's $3.79. this isn't a side of guac. if you bought a can of coke and you opened it and it was only half full, you'd be pissed too, right?

attention corporate entity that owns Qdoba - please fill up the cup of queso or i will refuse to....well, i won't make idle threats that we all know i won't follow through with. but that doesn't change the fact that it makes me mad.

anyway, i had to get that off my chest. this weekend we spent some time in Washington, DC on a day off which happened to be my first time in the Capitol. i mean, i couldn't believe i was in the same city where our forefathers walked; great pillars of society like Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Nicholas Cage. here's me on the Capitol steps:

wow, it's like i'm 8 years old visiting the Lincoln sites again back in Springfield. And here's the view looking down the national mall towards the Washington monument.

hmmm..is that a....well, nevermind.

and here's a nuclear missile on display at the air and space museum:

i'm noticing a pattern in these pictures. every picture has something in it shaped like a....yup, i think we can definitely say that washington is the most phallic city in the nation. but that's no big revelation. it's common knowledge that Washington is full of dicks.

ZING!!!

thanks. i'll be here all week. try the veal and tip your waitresses.

Mic Shootout - Results

ok ok i've got people on my facebook and in the blog comments wanting to know the answers in the mic shootout. according to google analytics the spike i get when i post a blog lasts about 3 days so i would be doing myself and my blog a disservice if i didn't wait...haha, well, that and i wanted to keep you all in suspense.

Mic A was the expensive mic, the u67 through a neve pre and a blue stripe 1176.

Mic B was the cheaper Rode NT2 through a vintech x81 and a distressor.

first of all, i gotta give props to two people who picked it exactly - my old buddy from college Stephen Hudson from www.TheBusyBoxStudio.com. he owns both mics and knows them well because he was able to tell them apart.

the other guy is @nathantbass who not only picked it, but felt confident enough to actually post his name and not post anonymously. he got it right. the high end gives it away. more about that later...

for those of you who picked incorrectly, don't feel bad. i actually agree with you that Mic B (the cheap one) actually sounds better. i would have picked the same thing. if the majority of people agree that it sounds better, isn't that what counts? i'm just amazed that the cheap mic even stands up to the expensive one. don't get me wrong - if i get rich i'll definitely have some for my mic collection, but unless you're buying old tube mics as an investment strategy, why pay more??

back to the mic differences - as nathan pointed out, the top end gives it away. newer mics seem to have more top end which usually translates to it sounding "clearer". although the u67 has a richer mid range without sounding nasally.

another thing to consider is that you gotta find the right tool for the right job. i have in my possession a borrowed Blue Baby Bottle mic. on most voices it doesn't sound great, but one week i recorded a rock band and did a quick test to see which sounded best. the guy has an interesting and different sound to his voice and the baby bottle actually sounded the best. so for me to say that one mic is absolutely superior to another is just not true. i've got another mic that i would consider too bright for most uses, except on things like acoustic guitar where i tend to add a little on the top end. it really depends on the application and how that mic compliments what you are recording.

but the lesson remains that more expensive doesn't necessarily mean something is better.

Mic Shootout - Expensive vs. Cheap

here's an interesting experiment for all the techie guys out there reading. and actually, even if you aren't technically minded you might find this interesting. below i've posted two links. both are short clips of my wife, @superchicktrish singing. One mic is an $8,000 vintage Neumann u67 ran through a vintage Neve 8068 console mic pre and then compressed with a blue stripe 1176 - the blue stripe is thought by many people to be the best vocal compressor there is. chris lord alge, the top mix guy in the US, says he uses it on almost all lead vocals.

and for those who have no idea what i'm talking about, here are some pictures:

Neumann u67

Neve 8068 Concole

UA 1176 Blue Stripe

the other mic is a $200 rode NT2 run through a Vintech x81 (a modern copy of the Neve 1081) and an Empirical Labs Distressor (which claims to emulate classic compressors). and here's the accompanying pictures:

Rode NT2

Vintech x81

Empirical Labs Distressor

i've mixed them up and labelled one Mic A and the other Mic B. listen to both and post a comment with what you think is the expensive mic and which one is the cheap mic. to vote, just leave a comment telling which one you think is which.

Mic A

Mic B

here's a hint

today i had some good luck. i scored some last minute tickets from my favorite sister in law @mel___issa for the Jimmy Eat World show here in nashville. @adamagee was there and let me tell you it was pure bliss. whenever i go to one of their shows i turn into a 12 year old kid who's at his first concert singing along with every word. get this - i even bought a t-shirt. i NEVER buy merch. what the heck is wrong with me?

i was thinking to myself during the shows - what is so special about them? and really, the answer is absolutely nothing. that's right. nothing. there is nothing spectacular about this band - except for the songs. they're not incredibly good looking. they're good players, but they're not virtuosos. they don't have any sort of gimmick to their live show. their light show was cool, but it certainly wasn't what made the show. they're not really funny. but their show is incredibly entertaining because of the songs. ever been to a show where halfway through you start looking at your phone to see what time it was? ya, most shows i go to are like that. what about when a show ends and you feel like it just started?? how often does that happen?

now here's the thing - i've been going to LOTS of shows since i was a kid. and for the last few years i've played plenty of shows in front of thousands of people. after a while it's easy to get jaded. truly original ideas are very rarely conceived nowadays. everybody is copying someone else. there's always been a distinction between bands that are successful and bands that are successful and are respected by other musicians. for instance, you won't find other musicians going to a justin bieber concert, but you'd definitely find them at a muse concert. but even at a muse concert, they're complimenting the crazy light show and how good a guitar player Matt Belhamy is. Jimmy Eat World has none of that, but tonight i saw i whole crowd singing at the top of their lungs and dancing around and truly having fun. why? it's all about the songs. they've always been known for great songs. you like them on first listen, but over time they become so ingrained that they're a part of your life.

this got me thinking that with so many bands trying to get noticed, they reinforce the rule that it's all about the song.

to all you guys and girls in bands out there trying to make it, think about this:

is nobody coming to your shows? write better songs.

are you having trouble selling your CDs to people other than your friends? write better songs.

having trouble getting labels to notice you? write better songs.

are you frustrated because it's always somebody else's band that's getting popular? write better songs!!

(i'm not trying to trash indie bands, i truly want to help)

if you're beating your head against the wall trying to get ahead and get noticed, i'm giving you the answer to all your frustrations - write better songs. don't worry about passing out fliers. don't take out huge loans to buy a tour van and trailer. don't buy tons of merch to sell. i've seen it happen with tons of bands. when an artist has great songs, everything gets easier and starts to fall into place.

it's kinda like this guy

it's kinda like fishing. when i go fishing, for the first hour it seems like i'm fumbling around with tons of variables to figure out what magic combination of bait, lure, hook size and technique will resonate with the fish. i try different hooks. different lures. and it seems like as soon as i find the right combination, it's like a light switch has been flipped and i'm pulling them in left and right. the same is true for your band - except you don't need to fumble around in the dark looking for the right lure. i'm telling you - write better songs!!

sit down one day and figure out how much time in a month you spend doing anything related to your band - practicing, playing shows, putting up fliers, etc. Now take that amount. double it, and that's how much time you should spending writing, refining and re-writing your songs. if you successfully do that, it won't matter if you aren't pretty or if you're not an amazing player or if you can't put on a crazy light show. a person's connection with a great song will forever be far more entertaining than any light show, physical attributes or any other gimmick.